


survivor’s guilt

by bloodsweatspit



Category: Blaseball (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:35:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26401264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bloodsweatspit/pseuds/bloodsweatspit
Summary: ziwa has some feelings (cw: mild self-injury)
Kudos: 5
Collections: Canada Moist Talkers Fanfiction





	survivor’s guilt

they shouldn’t be able to experience pleasure.

this is the only thing that echoes through ziwa’s mind after forgetting briefly. after eating a sandwich and enjoying the tang of the mustard. after tipping their head back in the late afternoon sun, its rays thick and tangible in the azure water, to feel the warmth on their face. after sitting down in the dugout and setting their feet on the rail to rest.

hobbs hasn’t been able to eat a sandwich. his fur has been getting dull and matted. wherever tyler is now, there is no sun.

why can they still enjoy these things? what’s _wrong_ with them? why are they still able to hit the ball, run the blases, clap the others on the back, give the new players that solemn head-nod of recognition? ziwa keeps the apartment clean. they throw away the junk mailers left on the complex gate. they let old women on the bus first and do not sigh with impatience. everything hurts just like it’s supposed to.

_so why are they still delighted at the mineral scent when it rains?_

it hurts, it makes them think of richmond, it brings back hazy days with tyler when they’d leave the windows cracked in a storm and nap to the sound of thunder cracking.

it smells fucking _beautiful_.

ziwa scratches at a mosquito bite until it bleeds and keeps going. they rub the skin raw. they do not stop until the pain and relief are equivalent and extraordinary.


End file.
